The Gossip:
Clinton Kane, you my Australian sir have dug yourself deep into a canal of lies. It’s ok though because I am here to tell you exactly what to do if I was in this situation. Rebranding is a big thing right now so what more of a perfect time to rebrand than right now!
If you live under a rock and are unaware of what Clinton Kane has got himself into, buckle up because it is a crazy ride.
If you’re unfamiliar with who Clinton Kane is, he is a singer and songwriter and ex-boyfriend of Brooke Schofields. You may recognize one of his songs, “Chicken Tendies” or “I GUESS I’M IN LOVE”.
With his new song coming out Clinton candy Kane decided to do some promoting of the new song. He made a Tik Tok using his new song in the background with the caption “When you’ve been over the relationship for 2 years but she won’t stop yapping”.
Brooke in the past has mentioned Cliton and her relationship with him in previous podcasts but never the full story on what happened between them. So the nerve Mr. Candy Kane had to make that video was bold considering how nice she was for not exposing too much of his lies.
Rightfully so, after his Tik Tok was posted and sparked controversy already, Brooke decided to post a 14 part series where she explained and exposed the relationship he put her through.
I will explain what she said briefly but to understand the situation fully, I recommend going to Brooke’s Tik Tok account and watching the series yourself.
They had been together for several months and he had lied about pretty much everything including his life story. This man said he grew up rich in Australia and backpacked around the world to promote his musical career…false. This man said he was 2 years younger than her…false. This man said his mother, father, and brother all died in the same year…FALSE!
Not only to he lie about these things to her but his entire fanbase as well. Trying to bring in relatable listeners he decided to mourn the loss of his family and write about it in his songs. He explained about all of this on the Zach Sang podcast .
Many people who grew up with Clinton reached out to Brooke after seeing the podcast letting her know that he grew up in Brunei, his mother and brother are still very much alive, and he does not have an Australian accent.
These were not little white lies either. He made it the center of everything for her. He would connect the death of his mother to anything going on between them. There could be a car on the side of the road and Brooke would point and say “wow cool car!” and he would say something like “I used to talk about that car with my mom. How dare you bring her up!”
After Brooke had found out she’s been lied to at an extreme she ended up confronting him about it. When she did he of course gaslit her into thinking she was a horrible person for even assuming he would do those things. She felt horrible and apoligized. It was still in the back of her mind but she stayed with him because who would lie about those things.
It isn’t until Brooke gets messages from multiple girls with proof that Mr. Candy Kane is cheating on her. She confronts him about this and shockingly enough he gets mad at her for even thinking he would ever do that to her. He is so mad that he ends up breaking up with her because of this.
Brooke is livid and while angry with everything she hits him with the, “I know you lied about your mother dying because I have been in contact with her”. She was never actually in contact with her, but her gut knew something was off and this was the only way she could get him to confess.
Without arguing Clinton agrees with Brooke and admits to her that he was lying about everything. He confirmed that his Mother and brother are still alive, however his dad did in fact pass away. Rest in peace.
This is bits and pieces people, the man lied and did so many more horrible things to her. I just don’t have the english education to write it all down.
After this was all exposed in Brookes 14 part series, Clinton of course denied it all in a statement to Rolling Stone. Not only that but he released his own series and went over every “lie” Brooke told in her series.
I did not watch all of his videos, simply because my brain hurt and I was so bored. If you are curious and would like to watch it yourself it is sadly still posted on Clinton’s Tik Tok account. He went into so much detail on how her story didn’t match up or make sense by saying “Me Mum speaks a little english, not no english at all”. He pretty much tiptoed around the little things in her story and never truly addressed why he lied about his mom dying.
In an attempt to clear his name and make things better he just made them worse. With this failed attempt I am now going to explain what I would do if I were him.
What I would do:
- Post a real apology speaking in an American accent.
Get rid of that boof ass Australian accent. Stop cosplaying as a mako mermaid and stand up. You lied about your family dying, you don’t need to continue lying about your Australian fantasy. You owe your fans or whoever listens to your music an apology for fibbing. You made so many people fall in love with your songs or even believe real love still exists and now they’re finding out you’re a lying, cheating bozo.
Your 50 part series snapping back at Brooke was not an apology. Admit what you did was wrong and apologize.
- Reconnect with your mom and brother and say sorry for killing them off
Life isn’t like Riverdale. You can’t just kill characters off whenever you want to. Reach out to your family and say sorry like a bunch of times. One sorry isn’t going to cut it. You need to heal yourself with some family time. Maybe while you’re with them go on a walk or something and touch grass. Remember to do this in an American accent because you’re still not Australian.
- Reach out to Brooke separately and apologize
Your apology video on Tiktok does not count. I know you thought it would, but remember you’re trying to rebrand and be a big boy. Reach out to Brooke privately and admit what you did was wrong and you’re sorry for traumatizing that poor woman.
Apologize for all the times you were in the wrong and still made her feel stupid. Apologize for all the times you acted like a little baby man child. Apologize for all the times you mentioned your family’s death and made her feel bad for you even though they are alive and probably playing the daily Wordle somewhere.
There’s so much you have to apologize for so take a day to curate a nice letter for to her. There is no easy way to do this, you just have to do it soon babe. Remember that when you’re doing this you still have to write in an American accent because you’re still not Australian.
- Get off of Social Media for years
Do not worry we will totally understand. Do not feel the need to keep posting for the sake of your fans. You need to start taking ashwagandha and read a book. Stop comparing yourself to Australian celebrities.
Social media I fear is killing your last few brain cells and to start your self help journey you need to get off of all social media platforms. Remember that while you are off of social media you have to still talk to everyone in an American accent because you are not Australian.
- Call a help number and check yourself into an insane asylum
I do not know much about insane asylums, but I do know that you are insane and need to be instituted somewhere for further help. Ashwagandha and weekly therapy can only do so much. You need further help babe.
I included a good number to call at the bottom of this post so you can call it as soon as possible. Mental health is serious and you need to take care of this problem that you have inside you. No right mind should be thinking the way you do. Remember that when you’re in the insane asylum that you speak in an American accent because you’re still not Australian.
- Make a really good song while getting help in the insane asylum
You are going to have a lot of time on your hands so what better than to make a new song. I am not going to lie, you have a few bangers so I know there’s potential! Whip out a piece of paper and start writing a really good song.
You have so much to write about. A cute apology song could even suffice. When you write this song remember that you have an American accent because you’re still not Australian.
- Come back after social Media break and make a Tik Tok with your mom promoting the song you wrote in the insane asylum
After taking time away from social media and getting further help you will hopefully be back to new and a better person. We all believe there could maybe be some good in you so prove it with your new song! You love promoting songs through Tik Tok so what a great opportunity to include your mom.
You can get so creative with this Clinton. Just set the timer and make a cute post using your new song and mom in frame. You could even feature her in your song.
Lastly remember that you have to make the Tik Tok in an American accent because you will never be Australian.
Final message for Mr. Candy Kane
I feel bad for you and want you to get all the help you need so please call the number below and take my genius marketing plan to rebrand yourself and build a better life for the people around you.
Call or text 988
I couldn’t agree more
This was fye
i’m so happy you enjoyed